


breathe me in (i know you)

by paltandsepper



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Non-Graphic Violence, Non-graphic suicide, Smut, Suicide, Unbeta'd, maybe there is a small pinch of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 22:36:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11792913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paltandsepper/pseuds/paltandsepper
Summary: The next few minutes was just Jongdae whistling to the music coming from the jukebox, that's when Baekhyun bluntly asks, “Are you a fucked up delinquent that has a sad story to tell?”Jongdae stills before laughing dryly, “That's me, your local delinquent that has a sob story.”Out of nowhere Baekhyun and Jongdae started to have a staring competition.“Tell me about yourself.”





	breathe me in (i know you)

Byun Baekhyun, an average senior in a local high school, has a good and caring family. He skitters away from people that gets too close, a product of trust that had been once broken. Today, he shall be Kim Jongdae's partner for laboratory until the year ends, the teacher decided, scowling at Kim Jongdae before turning to the whiteboard to explain what they're going to be doing today and in the future.

He lists them down on his notebook afterwards, turning to the materials already laid out on the tiled table, he spares one look at his leather jacket clad partner that remained unbothered before he starts working on the activity.

The teacher walks by every five minutes and smacks the back of Kim Jongdae's head, it continues on until the shrill bell rang, noises of panic and annoyance rose.

“Be ready for another activity next week, it better be teamwork or your grades are thrown outside the window. Class dismissed.”

Baekhyun slips a piece of paper in Kim Jongdae's pocket, glancing at him before setting off.

#

The cozy feeling of the worn out seat is great, a complete opposite of the disaster outside the diner. Baekhyun gets a text from his partner two days later, _send me your address or wherever we're studying_. The guy must've just slept through the weather because it's been an hour, it doesn't bother Baekhyun one bit because he's being served unlimited coffee that's actually bad but the waiter Zhang seems to not care at all.

He has his earphones on and re-writing his notes when the door bangs open, revealing a leather jacket clad boy that's soaked to the core. Dripping all over the dry floor after closing the door tightly, Zhang emerges from the kitchen and sighs at the sight of the puddle.

“Kim Jongdae, you came.”

“Yes, I did.” said man sits down, wetting the seat.

“I'm Byun Baekhyun.”

“You're the younger brother of the pastor, right? Byun Baekbeom?”

“Yes.”

“Sure. I'm Jongdae.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

Baekhyun supressed a sigh when Jongdae intentionally stepped on his shoe to get his own shoes dirty and wet, his hand still writing. After Jongdae's cup of coffee was served, Baekhyun started explaining what needs to be done in the next activity even if Jongdae doesn't show interest.

The next few minutes was just Jongdae whistling to the music coming from the jukebox, that's when Baekhyun bluntly asks, “Are you a fucked up delinquent that has a sad story to tell?”

Jongdae stills before laughing dryly, “That's me, your local delinquent that has a sob story.”

Out of nowhere Baekhyun and Jongdae started to have a staring competition. Baekhyun never once stared at someone since the accident that happened two years ago, unspoken story. No one cracks a smile, no one knows who looked away first, but they both know that the intensity of their stares was too much for a normal bystander.

“Tell me about yourself.”

Jongdae just continues to stare at Baekhyun as if he never heard him. He doesn't speak even when they part.

#

Sunday afternoon is when Baekhyun finds himself in his baggy shirt with Jongdae slouching on the other side of the couch. Jongdae still didn't seem like he wanted to listen and just kept on asking for food and ordering Baekhyun to give him this and that.

The show on the television was too romantic and Baekhyun turns his eyes to look at Jongdae again, waits for him to look back, “Tell me about yourself.”

“You think I'm gonna tell you?” Jongdae leans forward, hands almost touching Baekhyun's thigh, “ _Hell yeah, I will._ ”

Kim Jongdae is an average senior just like Baekhyun, he was known as the one you should avoid because he can kill you or overdose you with drugs and has necrophilia. It took him a long way to achieve those rumours. He came from a decent family, only child with hardworking parents that seemed to succumb to his wishes until he was in high school. Jongdae had always been insensitive of his surroundings, he tends to hurt everyone he knows and loves. Even his parents are so close to abandoning him, his mom is always crying whenever his dad lectures him about being lazy and acting as if he's royalty.

He's always kneeling on the hard floor, accepting short but fast whips from his father's belt while his mother is somewhere in the house, crying until she passes out. Jongdae had learned to keep his tears because of those punishments that he deserved. Now, he's punishing himself by moving to an apartment that's still being payed by his parents and being an absolute threat to every student in school.

Baekhyun felt sick, stomach spinning as he watches Jongdae sob. The boy wouldn't stop spilling his feelings. He was always suffering from his father's harsh words and it hurt because _it's all true_ , he hates himself for being different from his family, he puts on a facade in front of his relatives, he hurts himself right where no one can see them and he's so close to dying. _So close._

Jongdae stops talking, clutching his face and broken sounds coming from his mouth.

“Your bio has been changed.” he scoots closer to the shaking boy, resting his hand on his knee.

“What does it say now?” Jongdae lifts his head up from his hands, sniffling.

“A resident bad boy with a fucked up mentality and too good parents. He's never going to be successful in life and he knows it already, so his goal is to live his life dangerously. He's never afraid to die because he's ready.”

Jongdae laughs, head falling between his legs. “Good bio.”

#

Byun Baekhyun is now close with Kim Jongdae. After school, they meet two blocks away from prying eyes and go home together. They'd be staying for a few hours at each other's apartment before actually heading home. It's mostly Baekhyun who does the talking but they both enjoy the silence, listening to piano pieces that play in Baekhyun's earphones, staring at nothingness.

The next two weeks were full of staring and quiet understanding. Jongdae would sometimes just cry silently while they watch a documentary, he isn't crying about the story and Baekhyun knows. He'd do the same thing he did back then, sit next to him but not completely pressing to his side, hand on Jongdae's knee and sometimes playing with the hem of his jeans. Jongdae would always fall asleep after, only waking up when Baekhyun tells him it's past ten.

Baekhyun had gotten used to Jongdae breaking apart just a few inches away from him, he doesn't pry and just lets him cry his heart out. Tonight, Jongdae leans his head on Baekhyun's shoulder as he bites back the sounds that breaks Baekhyun's concentration. Baekhyun doesn't comment and keeps his hand where it belongs, comforting the other.

#

It's been almost a month when Jongdae suddenly turns to him and kisses him. Baekhyun closes his eyes, it should be wrong and _he should not be kissing back, he should not be placing his hand at somewhere he's not used to_ — away from Jongdae's knee. But Jongdae's pulling away slightly, pressing his forehead to his and crying. Baekhyun wants to ask, _what's wrong, Jongdae?_

He wants to ask why Jongdae steals another kiss and Baekhyun tasted salt, bitterness, and a hint of _something else_. Baekhyun places his hand on Jongdae's nape— he doesn't know why he's still doing this but he licks on Jongdae's lips. He licks away the tears that stayed on Jongdae's chin going back up to kiss him more, feeling his throat clog up and he holds his own tears.

Jongdae circles his hand on Baekhyun's wrist, pulling away from the kiss when his chest starts heaving, “I-I can't breathe.”

Baekhyun lets Jongdae rest his face on his shirt as he rubs his back, “You can do it, Jongdae.”

Said man starts crying, wetting the front of Baekhyun's shirt, mouth starting to form incoherent sentences yet Baekhyun can understand. He's sorry for being the useless child in their family, he didn't want to be called useless and selfish, he had always hated himself and envied people that has their shit together. His eyes hurt, his chest feels like exploding, his heart aches for love and appreciation. Jongdae wants, wants, wants. _He hates himself._

Baekhyun lets his tears fall on top of brown mess of hair, he wants to tell Jongdae he's not alone, that he's not useless but it all stays in his chest, _afraid_ to be let out. He takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down, running his fingers through Jongdae's hair as the other shakes from the intensity of each sob.

“Thank you.” Jongdae spoke after crying, his voice cracks.

Baekhyun shook his head, “Kim Jongdae, you know—”

“Thank you.”

Jongdae kisses him again, on his cheek and on the corner of his lips but lastly on his lips, firm and chaste. It lasted for a few seconds, leaving a burning feeling on Baekhyun's lips. Baekhyun holds his gaze, chest constricting at the sight of Jongdae looking the vulnerable right now. Every sharp edge of his face softened.

Baekhyun takes a hold of Jongdae's chin, thumbing the prominent cheekbone, “Say my name.”

Jongdae closes his eyes and leans into the touch before opening them again, he whispers. _“Baekhyun-ah.”_

For a moment, Baekhyun thought he's going to cry again but he just cups Jongdae's face and kisses him again, coaxing his mouth open. The latter fists his shirt, letting their tongues slide next to each other, he's trembling. Baekhyun's hands travel down to hold his thin waist, pulling him closer as their kiss grew impatient. Jongdae gasps on his mouth when Baekhyun palms the fronf of his pants, “Baek- _ah_ — Baekhyun, no, shit.”

Baekhyun slows down, conflicted, “Do you want me to continue?”

“Yes. But I want. I want you to fuck me.”

“J-Jongdae, I have no experience in sex— we can't—”

“I know how to.” Jongdae's hands trembled on his shoulders, “Will you? Please?”

 

_Unbelieveable._

Baekhyun can't grasp the fact that he's slowly entering Jongdae, he shouldn't have said yes, he shouldn't have been blinded by his soft planes and yet here he is. He asked Jongdae to lie on his back but the latter refused, hiding the inside of his thighs using his small hands so now he's on his elbows and knees. Jongdae had been impatient as he prepped himself and Baekhyun had to take over, his fingers dripping with lube as he finger fucks him.

It's warm and tight around his cock, Baekhyun thinks he's not going to last for a minute but he waits for Jongdae to adjust. Kissing his nape and pointedly ignoring a few scars that were littered across Jongdae's back, Jongdae pleaded for him not to stare.

Baekhyun's own body shakes from pleasure as he thrusts in and out of Jongdae, the latter isn't as loud when he's crying but his broken sentences of how good it feels is already triggering Baekhyun to come. He's not ready to let go yet, pulling Jongdae's middle to make him kneel and lean back on Baekhyun's front.

Jongdae throws his head back, a breathy gasp follows as he pushes back to the sloppy thrusts. Baekhyun bites down on his shoulder, thrusting _one, two, three_ — muffling his sounds on Jongdae's throat. The latter clenched on him as his own orgasm takes over.

Baekhyun pulls out and Jongdae's got tear tracks on his cheeks— _he should have pulled out, he should have been more careful, he shouldn't have pulled Jongdae to kneel—_

“Baekhyun.”

He inhales deeply, “J-Jongdae.”

“Thank you.”

They kiss more afterwards. Baekhyun should be feeling bliss and not dread, he lets Jongdae kiss his neck, trying to block out everything but Jongdae. _Kim Jongdae._

#

“This person meant a lot to me, he unconsciously leaned on me and became my best friend. I told him that I love him, albeit late, because he's already bathing in his own blood. I don't want to bawl my eyes out because he told me not to, he wants to be the only one that will cry between the two of us.” Baekhyun folds the paper, “I don't know why you're all here. Perhaps it will make you feel less guilty about him dying— or to put it bluntly, killing himself. One thing's for sure, he will not bother talking to God the Father to send you all in heaven, in fact, _he will drag you all to hell with him._ ”

The small crowd gasps, women angrily whispering at each other, the Kim and Byun family are looking at him in shock but he continues.

"He's not your typical delinquent. He's Kim Jongdae, _a resident bad boy with a fucked up mentality and too good parents. He's never going to be successful in life and he knows it already, so his goal is to live his life dangerously. He's never afraid to die because he's ready._ I hope you all get what the hell I'm saying and what Jongdae might have said if he was standing here too. I'm not sorry for what I said.”

The people sneered at Baekhyun but he doesn't notice, avoiding his family as soon as he leaves the front. Baekbeom looked at him disapprovingly but there's also pity swimming somewhere. 

Baekhyun watches from afar as men lower the casket until it's a few feet underground. Tempted to stop them and take Jongdae's body, throw him into the bottom of the sea where he can't be trapped forever but he can't.

For the first time after meeting him, Baekhyun walks back to Jongdae's apartment, _without Kim Jongdae._

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](http://twitter.com/paltnsepper)


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